Where My Journey Began...
August 2016
August 2016
As of today, I have hit my first major weight loss milestone. 100 pounds. Wow. Even as the words leave my lips, I'm still in shock.
I look at this picture above, where I started this particular leg of my journey. I get a lump in my throat. That was the heaviest I had been. Ever. But oh, the heaviness in this picture is only depicted physically. There was so much more weight there than you could ever see - that is, unless you really knew me, and were walking the journey with me. Only few took the brave step of coming alongside me for these next steps, and tears come to my eyes, as I think of these people. God used them to save my life.
See, to date, I've lost 100 pounds, in the physical sense. Fat, cells, water, you name it. If I was a little more scientifically-minded, I could give you a whole scenario of what that looks like for my body. But what matters to me tonight, is all the other things that have weighed me down, that I am letting go of, by hitting this milestone. For the past nine months, I have been losing 100 pounds worth of...
...shame...
...anger...
...insecurity...
...fear...
...anxiety...
...low self-esteem...
...self-hatred...
...resentment...
...sin...
...avoidance....
...loneliness...
...loneliness...
...and more than my mind can even bring to paper. And friends, I'm not completely there, yet. But let me tell you: God has brought me through so much over these past months. He has given me the ability and the strength to dig deep and start working through issues that I have been stuffing down inside of me for years.
And there's more to come. Tonight, as I was reflecting on what losing these 100 pounds means to me, I thought about what I've been calling this particular milestone: "The First 100". On paper, I still have 116 pounds (or somewhere around that) to lose in order to reach my goal weight. So I have another 100 or so to go. I have a "Second 100" to hit, and by golly, I'm going to get there. See, I look at that picture, and that lump in my throat reminds me of what I carried during that time. It was so much more than weight. It was dark, and scary, and frustrating, and agonizing. I felt the true heaviness of that season, more than I wore it on my body.
April 2016
I look at this picture. I'm smiling. I'm wearing makeup. I'm carrying myself differently.
Friends, for the first time in a long time, I really do like what I see, here. Not just the physical. I like this girl. I like this girl who is learning to feel, again. She's learning to be confident, again. She's learning to take risks, again. She's learning to love her Savior more deeply. She's learning to let go of the scars of her past, the resentments and hurts that weighed her down. She's realizing that she's not perfect, and that her value and worth aren't found in her perfection, or lack thereof. She's learning that her worth is found in Christ, her Savior, that paid an incredible price for her freedom. She's learning the importance of walking in that freedom.
Day by day, step by step, this girl is giving control to her Savior, to change her from the inside out, as hard and painful as it may be.
And there's more to come.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to Him, and He will make your path straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6
So, on to the "Second 100". Here's to another 100 pounds, and the next leg of the journey. I'm trusting my Lord to continue walking with me through a new season of growing, stretching, risking, changing, shaping. It will be challenging. Sometimes it will hurt. Some days I am going to want to give up. But I won't. I won't go back to the way I was, in that first picture. I won't go back to that place of spiritual, mental, emotional, physical heaviness. Not when I've tasted the sweetness of victory, of deeper intimacy with the One who made me, shaped me, who loves me far too much to leave me in the darkness.
He's bringing me into the light, one step at at time.
Pray for me. Encourage me. Hold me accountable. I can't do this alone. I knew that, the day my dear friend spoke the words to me that resonated right down to my very marrow: "Do you want to get better?" I will never forget those words, because that was the phrase that jarred me, and awakened me out of the darkness. I tell her often, but I hope my friend realizes just how The Lord used her that day, to wake me up. He's used her, and He's used others to show me, and He's even shown me in the quiet moments, just me and Him, that I'm not alone in this journey.
So walk with me, friends. The next leg starts tomorrow.
Blessings.
I know some of what you're talking about....I've been there...and am there still, somewhat. You are an inspiration to me. Your reminder to 'take back my temple' is one I'm clinging to as I've restarted my own journey. So happy for all the growth you've experienced (and the shrinking too!). Blessings sweet friend.
What a wonderful effort you've put forth, Chelsea. Very inspirational.
Chelsea, all of the words you wrote are the things that have been in my heart. I am not much of a blogger and if I were, I could not have said it any better of the things in my heart. I too am on this journey with you to be a better me than I was before. The Lord is continually teaching me. Thank you my friend! You are truly inspiring!
I am so very proud of you! I know how hard it is to lose the weight, and to find the motivation to keep going. 100 pounds is so amazing, and it's nothing to be down about at all. But I will be praying for you for this second 100. I myself have only lost 20 and find myself struggling to lose the next 20. My goal is 80 total, and it's been a slow haul. I've been distracted, lazy, unbalanced in life and it has lead to some backsliding. I will be praying that this doesn't befall you and that you keep going. You inspire me to keep going.
AND it's wonderful to see how this is an all encompassing thing for you as well. Spiritual, emotional, etc. It's the same fight for me and it's encouraging to know it's not just about the weight. It's everything that comes with it. That's why it's so hard, but so rewarding when we trust our Jesus to walk with us through it. And I'm praying He loves me so much He doesn't leave me in the darkness of an unbalanced, overburdened life that has manifested itself physically as in many other ways.