Early morning White Mocha Latte, courtesy of Drip Beverage Lab in Tahlequah. Beautiful compliment to a brief moment of reflecting and writing.
It's an early morning. The sun is sparkling and bright, and thanks to a local coffee shop, I have a beautiful latte in my hand. It's Youth Councils Week, which means I am at camp - my favorite-est place on earth, preparing for a weekend of worship, spiritual growth, and just plain fun, with kids from our division.
But this morning, as I prepare for the day, I feel the need to take a few moments to write about what is weighing on my heart, today. You see, I am embarking on a journey through several "lasts". I'm no stranger to these "lasts", as I had to journey through many when I first moved to Oklahoma back in 2011. But now, I am leaving a place I love, that I have invested my life in for the past 4 years.
And so, this is the second "last" that I am experiencing. My first one was my last "DARTS" weekend (Divisional Arts rehearsals). This current "last" is Youth Councils. My last weekend of little or no sleep, hours of rehearsals, hours of general wackiness with my kids, and beautiful moments of worship and connection with my Savior in a way that is very unique to these events.
It is pointless for me to act as if these "lasts" don't weigh on me. It is far better for me to acknowledge what I am feeling and experiencing through these "lasts". It hurts. I continue to be confident in my decision to return to Canada, and I remain excited about this next chapter; but amidst those feelings of excitement, I have feelings of sadness, and these "lasts" tend to magnify that sadness.
That being said, I refuse to let this feelings overtake me, nor will I allow them to ruin my experience of this weekend. I also will not allow it to affect my interaction with others, which could ruin their experience, in turn. Will I feel those feelings, throughout the weekend? Probably. Will I cry? With the compliment of sleep deprivation, that's pretty much a give-in. But will I still worship with all my heart, act just as crazy and make meaningful connections with my kids and with my friends? Absolutely.
May I ask something of you? If you are reading this blog, and as I come to your mind throughout these next few days, would you please pray for me? Would you please ask The Lord to walk with me through this "last", to strengthen me, and to allow me to be present, regardless of my heartache? I believe that He will do this, and this weekend, I will hold fast to Him, and to His promises.
This morning, I hold fast to this promise from Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”Blessings.
