"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways, submit to him,
and he will make your path straight."
~Proverbs 3:5-6~
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways, submit to him,
and he will make your path straight."
~Proverbs 3:5-6~
It's funny how sometimes, on the same day, a year later or even years later, you find yourself in a very similar place, perhaps not geographically, but in your journey with God. Call it a cycle, call it history repeating itself; but today, I call it a timely reminder of God's faithfulness.
This morning, I came across a post on my Facebook, where I quoted the lyrics from the song, "All I Have, I Am Bringing To Thee" by Richard Slater and Herbert Howard Booth. It's a beautiful and simple song, but I remember where I was in my journey with God the day I was asked to sing that song in the Sunday service, and the words from one particular verse resonated very strongly with my heart and mind:
Though by darkness, my future is veiled,
Here's my all, for thy love has prevailed,
I no longer doubt thee,
I know thou dost save me,
My life shall be wholly for thee.
See, around the time that I was asked to sing this song, I was in a place of questioning exactly what God's calling was on my life. Not many people knew that at the time, but if you happened to see the tears that were falling from my face or hear the slight sobs that I choked in my throat to make it through the song, you probably had an idea that something was going on. Little did I know that, just around the corner, God had a new chapter to my story, a chapter that would involve doing the very thing I sang about that morning:
All I am, I am bringing to thee,
All I am, I am bringing to thee,
In thy steps I will follow,
Come joy or come sorrow,
Dear Savior, I will follow thee...
This morning, I found myself in a very similar place. The lyrics of the song were different, the placement of the song in the service was different, but there I was, still very much in a place of questioning exactly what God's calling was on my life. I sang the very familiar words of a song that I've been singing since I set foot on Oklahoma soil back in 2011: I Surrender by Phil Laeger.
But oh, the words caught in my throat, this morning. If you read my entry from yesterday, you read about how I've been discovering the "Things I do" and the "Things I don't do". I was pretty brutally honest about how I have spent a long time trying to be everything to everybody, to the point where it has become difficult for me to realize just exactly where I fit in the realm of ministry. If I'm honest, moving back to Canada will involve a lot of "returning to the drawing board" for me, and rediscovering the passions that God has placed on my heart, not to please man, but to please Him, and to serve Him.
I have turned over and over in my head, trying to figure out what on earth I'm going to be doing when I return home to Canada. I'd love to tell you that I have grand and extensive plans of what the next step is for me. But, if I'm honest, I don't. Aside from working to make ends meet, spending time with my friends, family and church family, I'm not really sure of what exactly God has in store for this next chapter, as far as ministry goes. I am very confident in the fact that He will use me somehow for ministry, and I have countless grand plans that I could carry out; but this morning, in the midst of my Corp Officer's sermon, God reminded me very quickly of the fact that He is the one who leads me, that the plans for my life and ministry are His to show me. He gives me wisdom to think through things and to plan, but He also knows that I can very quickly plan and think to the point where His plan is completely out of the picture. He showed me this morning that I need to follow where He leads me, not where "Chelsea leads me", and that especially involves how He will use me in ministry back home.
I often play piano during the Time of Commitment and Prayer, which follows the sermon, and so I often find myself reflecting and praying after the service, once the hustle and bustle have calmed a bit. I spent a lot of time at the altar, praying and reflecting, but even after that, once everyone left the building, I found myself in my office, sobbing and pouring my heart out to God, just me and Him. Suddenly the Holy Spirit was interceding, and bringing the groans of my heart to words, about the confusion I am experiencing, the insecurity I feel about where on earth I fit in ministry, because of all the time I spent trying to be everything to everybody, and how it's a very scary place to be, not knowing what is next.
But see, God, being the very Abba that created me, knows exactly how much this next step scares me, and He knows just how much I want to know every detail of the next step. He knows how frustrated I get not knowing how to prepare every single step and every single move for what's next. And in that moment, that ugly-cry, tear-stained face, smeared mascara, puffy red eyes moment, God brought to my lips the very Scripture that I wrote under the photograph above:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding;
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways, submit to him,
and he will make your path straight."
(emphasis mine)
and he will make your path straight."
(emphasis mine)
How thankful I am for God's Word that is hidden in my heart, that He brings back to me in the moments that I come completely unraveled. He reminded me, in that moment, that what I need to do, right here, and right now, is to trust Him, and to submit to Him. No matter how scary it may feel, or how uncertain the next step may seem, or how my stubborn head may not want to submit, I must trust Him and submit to Him.
And so, amid the intermittent sobs I choked in my throat, I sang the very same words I had just sung in the service, I Surrender. But oh, I was now singing those words with such a deeper understanding of what God is calling me to, in this moment, right here, and right now:
You took up Your cross, with the joy set before You,
And now with my life, Lord, I adore You,
For all that You are, and all You have given,
Jesus, I come.
Jesus, I come.
I surrender my life to Your blood,
I surrender my name for Your glory,
I surrender my heart to Your will,
I surrender my dreams to the plans You have for me.
Thank You for showing me the emptiness
Of all I held on to.
I surrender it all,
I surrender my everything for You.
Tomorrow morning, at our Women's Auxiliary Monthly Meeting, I have been asked to share a song with the ladies. God has been continually bringing the song, "All The Way My Savior Leads Me" by Chris Tomlin to my mind, and I plan to sing it. What I knew about this song was that Tomlin adapted the lyrics from a well-known hymn. What I didn't know was that this was a hymn written by none other than Fanny J. Crosby. Anyone who knows Crosby's story knows that she was stricken with blindness from almost birth. At six weeks old, her blindness was discovered, and it was determined in her early childhood that she would be permanently blind. But Crosby stood in the face of adversity, and has written countless poems and hymns of faith that are still inspiring people the world over.
I wanted to know what inspired Crosby to write this particular song. Here's what I found from author Kenneth Osbeck, who wrote 101 Hymn Stories:
I wanted to know what inspired Crosby to write this particular song. Here's what I found from author Kenneth Osbeck, who wrote 101 Hymn Stories:
Kenneth W. Osbeck, 101 Hymn Stories (Kregel Publications, 1982)
"My first thought was, it is so wonderful the way the Lord leads me." Did you catch that? Oh, how I want to be a woman who says that of my Lord, especially in this chapter of wondering what He holds for me in these next months and years.
What you may not know is that there is a deeper connection to this song for me. See, this song, with the adaptation and arrangement by Chris Tomlin, was the very song I sang on my last Sunday as Pastor of Arts and Worship at Hartland Wesleyan Church, around this same time, in 2009. I was in a very similar season of wondering what the next chapter of my journey would look like. Like today, I was afraid, unsure, and frustrated that I didn't know all the details. Little did I know that God would soon take me on a whirlwind adventure to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, for a four-year chapter filled with ministry, new friendships, a beautiful church family, challenging lessons, and so much growth.
Tomorrow, I get to share this song with the Women's Auxiliary. And I get to say, in word and in song, that while I don't know exactly what the next chapter of my journey will look like, that in this moment, right here and right now, God is calling me to trust Him, and to submit to His leading. I will hold Proverbs 3:5-6 very close to my heart, and I will sing these words, hopefully with less sobs to choke in my throat:
All the way my Savior leads me.
Who have I to ask beside?
How could I doubt His tender mercies?
Who through life has been my guide?
All the way my Savior leads me.
Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the Living Bread.
You lead me and keep me from falling.
You carry me close to Your heart,
And surely, Your goodness and mercy
Will follow me.
All the way my Savior leads me.
O, the fullness of His love!
O, the sureness of His promise,
In the triumph of His blood!
And when my spirit, clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day,
This my song, through endless ages-
"Jesus lead me all the way!"
You lead me and keep me from falling.
You carry me close to Your heart,
And surely, Your goodness and mercy
Will follow me.
All the way, with ups and downs, joy and sorrow, uncertainty, tears and laughter...
...my Savior leads me...
Blessings.
