Hilarious graphic I found at Student Printz. Minus the Ben & Jerry's and finding relationships in a bar, this is pretty accurate!
Can we talk about the "pink elephant" in the room that not one thirty-something single wants to talk about? Well, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, I'm gonna talk about it. I have to talk about it, because it's a topic I've avoided for far too long. If this is not for you, I won't be offended if you move on. I promise to follow up next week with a post about unicorns and rainbows. Maybe.
This past weekend, I was faced with an issue that I didn't realize was plaguing me as much as it was. It was the first time in a while that I wasn't invited out over a holiday weekend. Being so far from my family, I'm usually "adopted" into a family's home for a meal or fellowship over a holiday that I'm not home in Canada. Now, I didn't write this post with the intent of whining over how I wasn't invited out. Please don't take it that way. It's merely a springboard for what occurred in my head and heart over the weekend.
For the first time in a while, I experienced a feeling that really grieved my heart: loneliness. Even to utter that word makes me feel a little bit pathetic, if I'm honest. And yet, it was a very real emotion that I was feeling on Sunday, even after a morning of INCREDIBLE worship with my corps family, whom I love and appreciate so very much. But as I watched several families leave our church after the meeting, all with plans for lunches, get-togethers and whatnot, I suddenly felt very alone. Singular.
Once I picked myself up off the ground (with the great help of ample rest), I really started to look at this issue (Yep. Leave it to the over-analytical introvert to start thinking!). The reality in front of me is this: I am 32 years old, and I am single.
Now, before you immediate jump on the bandwagon and say, "Oh, Chelsea, don't talk like that! You'll find someone!"...don't. Instead, replace those phrases with phrases about how gorgeous I am. Kidding.
I have to be realistic about my single-ness. But more than that, I feel a need to start living an existence that doesn't solely serve the purpose of waiting for my "Prince Charming" to whisk me off my feet. In addition to that, however, I want to live an existence that doesn't allow me to settle for the first guy who looks my way. I must live single with purpose.
So, I picked up a book I found online and started reading. I'm only a chapter into the book Party of One: Living Single With Faith, Purpose and Passion by Beth M. Knobbe, and I'm already identifying with so many of the insights presented through the stories of people, just like me, who are attempting to navigate the single life:
"Many singles live with the myth that we need to wait until we are in a relationship before we can live the kind of life we want and do the things we love. Life does not start the moment you walk down the aisle. Life is happening in front of your very eyes! Life is not a dress rehearsal for when you have a relationship. So, what are you waiting for?"
YES! How long have I lived with the notion that I cannot be truly happy until there's a ring on my finger, a man on my arm, and little darlings running about my feet? The answer? FAR TOO LONG. You see, I've dreamed my whole life about being a wife and mother, and throughout my young adult life, that dream turned into desperation far too many times, not to mention that it fueled so many feelings of loneliness, inadequacy and loss of self-worth.
Why, oh why have I been allowing my single-ness to define me in such a self-deprecating way? I'm not sure of the answer to that question, nor am I sure that I'll discover that answer. But I know that I want to change this definition. I want to live single with purpose. I want to live as a woman after God's heart, truly living with passion.
"Our single years are a gift. When we are able to see the purpose in singleness, it is easier to stay present to the moment right in front of us. What is the gift that God wants to give you during this time? What is God asking you to do or accomplish or become? Being single affords us ample amounts of time to pursue a career, develop new friendships, devote time to family, travel to places we’ve never been, cultivate our relationship skills, volunteer, dedicate time to prayer, and invest in hobbies we enjoy. None of these is dependent upon whether or not we are dating someone."So, to my Abba, I begin posing this question, be it a little late in the game: "What are You wanting me to become, in this season of single living?" I need to shift to this particular line of questioning, rather than the usual, "God, WHY am I still single? Where is this man of my dreams that everybody keeps telling me You have in mind for me?" I'm so tired of asking that question, and I'm so tired of waiting on a mystery man that perhaps God has not even planned for me. I need to stop dwelling on the "Why?" of this season, and start seeking God's wisdom and leading in my life. And, as I've been learning on this journey already, I need to be present.
I may have lied about the next posts containing unicorns and rainbows. I may be sitting with the concept of single-hood for a while. And honestly, I don't think I'm the only one who needs to sit with this. I really hope and pray that other people, women especially, find some encouragement in my discoveries and musings.
But in the meantime, check out this book by Beth Knobbe. It is written primarily from a Catholic perspective, but that does NOT mean we of the Protestant perspective will not gain some insight from her writing.
So, single friends, let's ditch the cats and the Ben & Jerry's, and embrace our single-hood! :-)
Blessings.
