“For the glory of Your name, O LORD, preserve my life. Because of Your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress. In your unfailing love, silence all my enemies and destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.”

It’s been a rough morning. Some of that is due to the fact that I was up till 1:30am helping my friend with packing; but some of it is very simply and plainly this: I’m feeling sad.

For the past few years, I have unconsciously learned to only let my emotions out in small increments, for fear of losing control. Well, guess how that panned out? I bottle the emotions up, and then out they come, in a wave that becomes more overwhelming. Now I’m learning to embrace emotions as they come, acknowledge them, accept them, let them go, and move on.

As only the Holy Spirit can do, He spoke through my friend, who gave me Psalm 143 to read, this morning. What a true and honest prayer that David brings before the Lord. One of the things I love about the book of Psalms is how it contains the true and honest prayers penned by David. When David was full of praise for God, he wrote it down. When David was overcome with sorrow and grief, he wrote it down. When David was tempted and challenged, he wrote it down. When David was victorious, he wrote it down. Oh, that I would be like David, and bring to God true and honest prayers, regardless of how I am feeling.

I’m sad, today. And I am tired. There are several reasons surrounding these things that I am feeling, but what is in the forefront, today, is the sadness of having to bid farewell to dear friends, this evening. And overlapping with this farewell, I will be selling my keyboard. And, a week from tomorrow will mark two months until I leave Oklahoma.

As my time grows shorter, indeed, the emotions of sadness become a little more frequent. My friend reminded me last night that, as you prepare to move, you feel much sadness, but you do eventually turn a corner. I’m trusting this morning that I will soon turn that corner, where I will begin to feel more excitement about going home to Canada. I know that it’s in there, knocking around in my heart, the excitement of seeing my family, and my friends. For the moment, however, what is currently taking up the most space in my heart is sadness. And rather than stuffing it away, until I explode with uncontrollable emotions, I’m choosing to feel it and acknowledge it, if only for a moment.

So I turn to this beautiful psalm of brokenness. I’m not a fan of brokenness, due to my glaring humanity; but this morning, I am finding a kindred spirit in David. Pain and depression are real. Hurt and fear are real. David chose to acknowledge them, the very thing that I am tasked to do, when I have to face my own emotions. Rather than letting them bottle up inside, David allowed the ebb and flow of his emotions to happen, and he didn’t keep them hidden from God’s eyes. And why would he, when his Heavenly Father already knows the emotions of the very emotional being He created? 

So I am taking the lead from David, this morning. I am choosing to feel. I am giving myself permission to feel, today.

But I’m also clinging to verse 8 of this psalm:

“Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.”

And then verse 10-11:

“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.”

And then, as I am reading these words, I hear the song “His Name” by Urban Rescue playing on my computer, and the words of this song, combined with the true and honest prayer of David causes me to weep:

“His Name is Healer of your deepest scars,
Father of your broken heart,
His Name is Mercy, Power, Freedom,
His Name, Oh, His Name, His Name is Jesus.”

There are times when I cannot even put words to my prayers, but I believe that in that moment, the Holy Spirit spoke on my behalf, through tears and sobbing. God knows how much my heart is hurting, as I continue to walk through this season of transition. And because He is faithful, He is walking close beside me through this season. Even in deep despair, I know that He is the healer of my deepest scars. He is daily bringing healing to my mind and heart. I know that He is Father of my broken heart, because His Holy Spirit speaks on my behalf, when words fail me, and only tears flow. I know His name is Mercy, Power and Freedom, because He has been merciful to me, even in the most trying times of my journey. I know that only His power brings me freedom.

I know His Name is Jesus. And even in the moments where I feel the ache of sadness, I know that my Savior lives, and that He is faithful.

The Lord has been bringing some lyrics to my heart over the past couple of weeks. It’s not completed, just yet, but I will share a small piece of the story He is writing for me:

                “I trust Him to guide me,
                Wherever He will,
                My God has been faithful,
                And He is faithful, still.”

For today, I am feeling sad. And in the days to come, as August 25 comes closer and closer, I am going to feel more sadness. It is what it is. But my prayer, in these days, go back to this Psalm of David that I am going to hold very, very close to my heart:

“Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you…

Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
on a firm footing.
For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life.
Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.” 

Here's to true and honest prayers. Because our Heavenly Father already knows the emotions of the emotional beings He created, and because our Savior identifies with both our joy and sorrow, and everything in between. 

Blessings.